This phenomenon is called parental favoritism, and when it comes from a mother — the very person expected to nurture and protect without condition — the emotional wounds can last a lifetime.
In this blog post, we’ll explore:
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What maternal favoritism really is
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How and why it happens
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The long-term effects on children
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Signs to look out for
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Real-life examples
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How to heal and find peace — even when equality never comes
🧠 What Is Maternal Favoritism?
Parental favoritism is when one or both parents consistently show preferential treatment, attention, or emotional support to one child over another.
Maternal favoritism specifically refers to a mother showing consistent bias — whether intentional or subconscious — toward one child, often at the emotional expense of others.
It may show up as:
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Praising one child’s achievements but ignoring another’s
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Taking one child’s side in every conflict
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Offering more physical affection, support, or resources to the favored child
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Expecting the “unfavored” child to always be the caretaker, helper, or scapegoat
Favoritism doesn’t have to be dramatic to be damaging. Sometimes, it’s the consistent pattern of small preferences that cuts deepest.
🤱 Why Does a Mother Favor One Child Over Another?
There are several psychological, emotional, and even cultural reasons why a mother might unconsciously (or consciously) favor one child. These include:
1. Personality Compatibility
Some mothers naturally “click” with a child whose personality mirrors their own. They may bond more easily, which can lead to favoritism.
2. Birth Order
Firstborns often receive more attention and responsibility. The “baby” of the family may be coddled. Middle children? Often overlooked.
3. Gender Bias
In certain cultures, one gender is valued over the other — and this bias can creep into how a mother treats her children.
4. Child’s Behavior or Achievements
A child who excels academically or socially may be favored, while a sibling who struggles is seen as “problematic.”
5. Unresolved Trauma or Projection
A mother may unknowingly project her own trauma onto a child. If a child reminds her of someone she dislikes (like an ex-partner), she may withdraw emotionally.
6. Mental Health Issues
Depression, anxiety, narcissism, or borderline personality traits in the mother can fuel inconsistent or toxic parenting.
🧍♀️ What It Feels Like to Be the Unfavored Child
Being the less-favored child is not just emotionally painful — it shapes your entire worldview. You may grow up believing:
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You're not good enough
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Love must be earned
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Your achievements don't matter
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Your needs are secondary
Children who feel emotionally neglected or overshadowed by a sibling often internalize the belief that something is wrong with them.
And even as adults, these wounds linger:
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You struggle with low self-esteem
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You're a people-pleaser
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You seek validation from partners or bosses
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You resent your siblings or emotionally distance yourself from family
This kind of emotional invisibility is deeply damaging — but not uncommon.
🔍 Real-Life Examples of Unequal Maternal Love
Let’s look at a few relatable examples:
🌼 Case 1: The Golden Boy vs. The Helper
Sandra, the eldest daughter, was expected to clean, cook, and care for her younger siblings. Meanwhile, her younger brother David was pampered and praised for the smallest tasks. Even as adults, their mother still calls David her “baby” while asking Sandra for favors.
Sandra’s wounds? Resentment, exhaustion, and a lifelong feeling of being used — not loved.
🌼 Case 2: The High Achiever and the "Disappointment"
Kofi, a straight-A student, was his mother’s pride and joy. His older sister Ama, who battled learning disabilities, was always criticized and compared to him. Despite trying her best, she never “measured up.”
Ama’s wound? Shame, depression, and a belief that love is conditional on performance.
🌼 Case 3: The Unseen Middle Child
In a family of three, the youngest daughter gets spoiled, the eldest is the “responsible one,” and the middle child floats in-between — rarely noticed, rarely praised.
That middle child? Often grows up feeling invisible, becoming the “peacemaker” or struggling with identity.
🧠 Psychological Effects of Maternal Favoritism
The effects are long-term, subtle, and profound.
💔 Emotional Scars
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Chronic low self-worth
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Anxiety or depression
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Relationship issues (difficulty trusting or attaching)
💔 Sibling Rivalry and Resentment
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Constant comparison breeds competition
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Resentment lingers long into adulthood
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Family dynamics become fractured or toxic
💔 Self-Sabotage or Overcompensation
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Unfavored children may try harder, overachieve, or become perfectionists
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Or, they may give up entirely and adopt a "what's the point?" mindset
💔 Internalized Shame
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The child believes they are the problem, not the parent
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They carry this shame into adult life — sabotaging relationships, careers, and self-esteem
🚩 Signs You Were the Unfavored Child
Here are key signs:
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You were always blamed, even when innocent
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Your achievements were ignored, while your sibling’s were celebrated
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You felt like the “parent” to your mother
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Your mother gossips about you to others but defends your siblings
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You were held to stricter rules than your siblings
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Your sibling was defended, even when clearly in the wrong
If this resonates with you — it’s not your imagination. It’s emotional neglect.
🧘♀️ How to Heal from Unequal Motherly Love
Healing doesn’t require your mother to change — it requires you to reclaim your worth and rewrite your emotional script.
✅ 1. Acknowledge the Truth
Don’t gaslight yourself. If you were treated unfairly, say it out loud. Name it.
✅ 2. Stop Seeking Her Approval
You may never get the apology or affection you deserve. Detach your self-worth from her behavior.
✅ 3. Reparent Yourself
Treat yourself the way your mother should have. Speak kindly to yourself. Create safety for your inner child.
✅ 4. Set Boundaries
Limit contact if needed. Protect your peace. You’re not obligated to entertain emotional manipulation.
✅ 5. Seek Therapy or Support Groups
A therapist can help you unpack family trauma. You’re not alone — thousands have walked this road.
✅ 6. Forgive, But Don’t Forget
Forgiveness is for your freedom — not an excuse for their actions. You can release resentment without erasing the pain.
❤️ A Message to Mothers: Check Yourself
If you’re a mother reading this — pause and reflect:
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Do you unknowingly favor one child?
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Do you burden one with responsibilities while spoiling another?
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Are you projecting your trauma?
Your children are not rivals. They are individuals who all need equal love, tailored to their spirit. What you do today affects their hearts forever.
✨ Final Thoughts: Love Shouldn’t Be Earned
A mother’s love should be a safe place, not a battlefield of comparisons and competition.
If you were the child who felt unwanted, unimportant, or unloved — this is your reminder:
You are not broken.
You are not unlovable.
You are not the problem.
Your worth is not defined by a parent’s inability to see your value.
💬 Share Your Story
Have you experienced maternal favoritism?
What did it teach you?
How have you healed or coped?
Your voice could help someone else feel seen.
Drop your comment below or send a private message.
🖋️
Richie Sphere©2016 - 2025 | All Rights Reserved
This blog post was written for emotional clarity, healing, and personal growth. Any resemblance to real-life people is coincidental. Content may not be republished or repurposed without express permission.
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